How to be Authoritative Parents
In our previous post we agreed that Authoritative Parenting is the best parenting approach compared to others, according to researchers indeed. Everybody can be authoritative with their own parenting style. Here is step number 5-12. Check this out:
5. Giving Warning on Minor Issue or Violations
It is natural for children to do mistakes and violating some rules set by Authoritative Parents. Authoritative Parenting approach suggests parents to give immediate actions or warning if children violate rules. Children may be lost some privileges if they break the rules.
However in some minor issues, authoritative parents are only supposed to give warning only. Parents could tell children that there are consequences if they do not change their behavior. Children should know that parents say what they mean. It is highly not recommended to use multiple or repeating warnings since it could train children not to listen at the first time parents speak. If the children do not listen at the first warning, parents can follow-through with the consequences.
6. Using Educating-Consequences
Authoritative parents are allowed to give consequences to their children in order to enforce rules. In giving consequences, authoritative parents supposed to choose educating consequences for children. It is highly prohibited to make children suffer from those consequences. A wise authoritative parent avoid shaming children and not using corporal punishment.
Guilt trips is not useful in consequences. Stop saying “I’m disappointed with you”. Parents better to show children that they have made wrong choice and encourage them to do better on in future. For example, parents can save video games for next 2 days if children refuse to turn off the video games.
Parents can give consequences that encourage children to do better in future. Parents may say “You may get your video games back once you have changed your behavior” or “I could give this video games back to you once I trust you again.”
7. Offering Rewards
It is useful for parents to give rewards to their children, ant it is allowed too. It does not mean children can get lavish reward indeed. Giving rewards can motivate children with specific behavior problem.Here is some simple example:
- Parents can give unique stickers chart in children bedroom. Children earn one sticker for every night they sleep in their own bedroom.
- Children who is slow to get ready for school can be motivated by setting timer every morning. Each time children done getting ready before the timer goes off, parents can give extra snacks or toys to them.
- Each time children get score of minimal 90 in their tests, they can get special rewards like vacation to beach or park.
8. Letting Children to Make Choices
Parents may give choice to children to make little choices. It can stimulate children to make bigger decisions in their life later. The key to give choices is that parents should make sure that children can live with either choice. Parents may ask “Do you want to eat rice or noodles?” or “Do you want to wear blue or white t-shirt?”
9. Make Mistakes as Learning Opportunities
Authoritative Parents help their children to turn mistakes into learning opportunities. They do not embarrass their children for making mistakes. Explaining bad behavior as a bad choice is a good action for parents. When children hits their friends or brothers, parents should help children making amends or apologize to them. Insisting children to share their toys is a good idea.
10. Balance Freedom with Responsibility
Authoritative parenting is a parenting style which the parents expect their children to be responsible. Parents may create a behavior management plan that will support children’s efforts to be more independent. The simple example is when children frequently forget to pack things they needed to bring to school. Authoritative parents should create a checklist on these items. Children can go through the checklist every morning before they goes to school.